Friday, 10 February 2012

Still Learning...

A year ago I wrote this poem. Three months into my journey and I was only just beginning to realise what the term "grieving" actually meant. It took a while to sink in that Andrew was gone forever. My days were so full and busy as I tried to hold everything together.

Now I forgive myself more readily for the things I haven't done and can go with the flow more easily. I have days where I actually achieve very little but that's OK. 

Moments of sadness come and they go, although they now tend to pass more quickly. I have gone two days without taking my anti-depressants and I can cope. Three days without them and they will be out of my system, according to the GP, and I will be a person not on any medication!

I continue to wear my wedding ring all the time, I haven't quite reached the point where I want to take it off yet. I am still the "single wife" of the poem, married and yet free. 

I am still learning but hope I can pass on the wisdom I have acquired and support the next unfortunate person who has to tread this path. Because there will always be those who follow and have to learn for themselves what it really means to grieve.


Learning to Grieve

No one gives you lessons
On "how to live your life"
How to cope with loss
When you become a single wife

No one has the answers
To mend a broken heart
There’s no secret knitting pattern
To stitch what’s torn apart

No one knows the depth
Of sorrow you can reach
It’s not a subject that you learn
Or something you can teach

No one else remembers now
All the memories that you hold
Those hushed night-time whisperings
Shared treasures of pure gold

No one truly understands
The guilt that still remains
The hurtful words and silences
You can’t take away their pain

No one ever tells you
That "all in life is fair"
Grief is mine and grief is yours
And some parts we can’t share

No one said it would be easy
That would be a mortal lie
Some moments there are laughter
Then all you can do is cry

No one can ever make this stop
By a kind word of phrase
A bit of comfort here and there
Will get you through these days

No one could give you lessons
On how to grieve a life
With baby steps you’ll learn your way
To be a single wife


  1. A really lovely poem Sarah. Beautifully written and the two words "single wife" just sum it all up.

  2. Congratualations on coming off the medication Sarah a brave step forwards xx