Still Learning...

A year ago I wrote this poem. Three months into my journey and I was only just beginning to realise what the term "grieving" actually meant. It took a while to sink in that Andrew was gone forever. My days were so full and busy as I tried to hold everything together.

Now I forgive myself more readily for the things I haven't done and can go with the flow more easily. I have days where I actually achieve very little but that's OK. 

Moments of sadness come and they go, although they now tend to pass more quickly. I have gone two days without taking my anti-depressants and I can cope. Three days without them and they will be out of my system, according to the GP, and I will be a person not on any medication!

I continue to wear my wedding ring all the time, I haven't quite reached the point where I want to take it off yet. I am still the "single wife" of the poem, married and yet free. 

I am still learning but hope I can pass on the wisdom I have acquired and support the next unfortunate person who has to tread this path. Because there will always be those who follow and have to learn for themselves what it really means to grieve.

 

Learning to Grieve

No one gives you lessons

On "how to live your life"

How to cope with loss

When you become a single wife

No one has the answers

To mend a broken heart

There’s no secret knitting pattern

To stitch what’s torn apart

No one knows the depth

Of sorrow you can reach

It’s not a subject that you learn

Or something you can teach

No one else remembers now

All the memories that you hold

Those hushed night-time whisperings

Shared treasures of pure gold

No one truly understands

The guilt that still remains

The hurtful words and silences

You can’t take away their pain

No one ever tells you

That "all in life is fair"

Grief is mine and grief is yours

And some parts we can’t share

No one said it would be easy

That would be a mortal lie

Some moments there are laughter

Then all you can do is cry

No one can ever make this stop

By a kind word of phrase

A bit of comfort here and there

Will get you through these days

No one could give you lessons

On how to grieve a life

With baby steps you’ll learn your way

To be a single wife